Dear Top Chef,

Top Chef

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Until recently our relationship has been a strong one. You were always there when you said you would be, you have been entertaining and sometimes even inspirational. Every Wednesday I have looked forward to our time together but recently my Wednesday nights feel hollow and empty. I don’t know what I’ve done to upset you, but if you just stop running away from me and communicate maybe we could work out our differences and continue our 7-year relationship. I well know how hard it is to talk about things like this, so I’m going to open up to you first and let you know how I feel in this non-threatening format. And yes, I do feel a little like I am passing you a note in the hallway at school, but at this point I don’t know what else to do and my heart is breaking.

I’m curious as to why you are choosing to spend all your free time with a group of chefs who are successful enough to own their own restaurants, but not successful enough to be superstars. It’s like hanging out with the benchwarmers on the basketball team. Honestly, I’ll go hangout with your cousin TC Masters, if I want to watch the established and often extraordinarily talented compete. I’ll even go over and hang out with Iron Chef America for a similar fix, even though Iron Chef America doesn’t seem to respect either the amazing talent they have cooking or the people who watch the show enough to have that once in a life time food judged by people who are actually food experts. But what our relationship has been based on, Top Chef, has been relatively new talent (and no I don’t mean straight out of culinary school, I know you like them more seasoned than that) gunning for 100,000 dollars to help them kick-start their careers. I mean, they get a feature in Food and Wine magazine too! And you know I would kill someone to have a job just writing and researching recipes at that magazine! Anyway, I don’t know if you know, but I think your new chef friends are just using you. I heard several of them talking about how their big goal on getting on the show was primarily to garner more publicity for their restaurants. This of course is an automatic bonus that one gets when hanging out with someone as popular as you, but if this is the end goal for these benchwarmers it explains the lack of competitive feel on the show these past few weeks. I know it’s not my place to tell you how to run your life, but I thought you might want to know.

Your behavior has been strange recently as well. You were never all that  interested in the boring nitty-gritty of the household interpersonal dynamics in the past and yet this season it feels like you are spending more time in the house than in the kitchen. Why you are beginning to imitate MTV’s real world is nothing short of a mystery to me, but trust me that watching people whisper about what they are going to make, or about how much they don’t trust anyone in the house is rigor mortis inducingly boring. I know you’ve been catching a lot of well-deserved flack over what some people are calling ‘pea gate’ but for all the filming that you do, you know exactly what happened and I’m wondering why you are keeping it to yourself? If you had just told everyone what happened you could have come out of the situation with some integrity not to mention dignity.

I know that all relationships have their peaks and valleys, and that all good things must come to an end. I just thought that we had more time together. I know that people change as they get older, I guess what I am saying is that unless we can work this out, you may have changed too much for me to be able to stay with you in good conscience. I hope to hear from you soon.

All my love,


P.S. I miss you!

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